>>18247504i don't think it's a bad thing to put real responsibility on the back burner and just relax to have fun. i don't think anything's really wrong with you either, it's just the habits you've cultivated no longer really serve you the same way they once did. it just sucks seeing people miserable, unhappy, and bickering with one another. i know you're looking for something, but you can only really find that something inside of you...
rest well, madokanon. don't worry to much about how life will end up, just worry about how you're going to enjoy it in the now. all the best, man.