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Read this and repent. Repenting is like apologizing to your boss or father for things you've done wrong (sins) that he already knows you did you just have to admit them to yourself really and be grateful for even being alive and still able to atone.
Read about the prodigal son. That's how God feels about you, you just need to turn (repent means to turn) from your current way of living and thinking and let Jesus guide you on the righteous path. I won't say good luck OP because you don't need it. I will pray for you right now.