>>10852069I'm a massive racist and I cannot connect the Faith to my "Earthly beliefs". In the real world, life is about duality. Being positive towards your own and negative towards the outer group. It's the only way to get anything done, to grow stronger and more advanced. How are we to surrender our History and view the world as "one" ? I'm not talking about some LARPagan nonsense, and I recognize the way Christianity has shaped the West. The problem is that then it was twisted and abused. Now, in its pure form, Christianity is just... too "open". It's traditional, it's "conservative", yes. It is against degeneracy and evil, of course. But it'd rather you befriend the righteous of the world, no matter where they're from, rather than dominate. And how are we to accept that? All of our heroes are conquerors and dominators. We glorify them, and yet they go against every Christian teaching.
How do you reconcile your Faith with all of your desires? For glory, conquest, knowledge, domination, exploration. You can't go anywhere without Pride, and it is the deadliest of Sins. It seems that if you have aspirations for anything higher than a simple living, you're destined for Hell. I don't know, I'm just so confused. I went into Physics so that I could try and understand the world. I don't believe that this, everything we see and experience, is all there is. There's more, I just know it. But at the same time I cannot reconcile what I want to, or maybe need to, do, and with what I'm supposed to believe in. It makes me feel afraid. Of Judgement. And Pain. But I cannot give up everything that I am and see things "universally". I just... can't. My logic, my emotions, my heritage, my history, I cannot simply let go of them and be one with Christ. I feel as if I'm letting him down, but at the same time, I feel as if he asks too much. He asks to reject our entire being as a species. And I'm being torn apart.
