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This isn't normal. Being into this is not normal. Seriously OP seek help. I'm not even joking, you are in need of professionals to take care of your mental health. The fact that you have it saved on your PC, tablet or phone, and that you just casually posted it with that caption really shows there's something wrong with you. Go out and take a walk, think of what you've done. Consider talking to someone about your problem.
You may not know it now, but you're destroying yourself with that. This shit got in your head and now you are in desperate need of attention. You think you need acceptance, but... no. You need to fix yourself. Your behavior is far from acceptable. Go on, take your first step. Acknowledge your problem. Know that something is wrong with you. This is probably the hardest part, but I know you can do it. I'm counting on you. I bet your family is too. They expect great things from you, don't let them down.