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How do I stop feeling guilty about not working non stop? Apart from things all humans do plus going to the gym, I feel guilty about any of my habits. And I have no goals.
I want to read books but I feel guilty about reading a set number of pages a day. I am worried about being called a pleb for not reading ten trillion boring Western canon novels. I feel like an ADD pleb for rarely reading more than 60 pages at a time. I hate that I'm more likely to put a book down at the end of a chapter.
Similarly for working. I know I could always be working to become better off. I know that people who talk about taking breaks are just lying to themselves. I feel bad for not having the willpower necessary to work non stop on one thing for 10 hours. If I work on one thing then I miss the big picture. If I work on many things I am a dilettante who doesn't achieve anything.
And the funny thing is that I'm a Stirnerite. When you stay unspooked then everyone else's belief system feels like a personal attack. Fuck these people who say that X is so important. X is always working hard / enjoying yourself / focusing on one thing / focusing on many things / reading history / classics / philosophy / other shit.
The awful thing is that I know everyone else is a fraud. That NFL player who everyone loves and says is hardworking has never read a book. That mathematics professor known as a genius is a disgusting dyel. That literary figure who goes on about Shakespeare being a god doesn't know any maths or science greater than an 18 year old yet claims to be worldly. That billionaire who goes on about humanity's big issues does nothing but write checks for people who make social media apps.
