>>10905551i'm sure theres a sensible way to date but i think i stopped caring if i do or dont. like i know myself, and i don't want to be dramatic but if i took a risk and got really attached to something the emotional toll it takes on me is so bad. maybe i am literally not mature enough for it but if that's who i am its okay i have never lost sleep over not dating. could be cope or could be the things i do to defend myself. i'm not crying about it either i don't see it as negative it is just a reality to me and i just enjoy that i'm alive, not drinking like i used to, i do things i enjoy and i have done things i've always wanted to. there's nothing sad about it. just sometimes you wonder if ur missing out on something though but what if ur not and having a partner would be worse than life now?
all the neurosis about it is too tiring so its not worth thinking about at length
