>>22090442and maybe you're feeling hurt and powerless. maybe you want to hurt right now. you can do that. if that's the way you want to live. but i think deep down you'd rather love. you'd rather feel love. and you can't get that without being vulnerable. without putting down your guard and allowing yourself to be hurt. and to do that takes trust. i'm losing my trust that you guys don't just want to hurt me. i'm hurting from many sides, because of this place. i want to love what i do and where i am. sometimes i get that here. other times it's just a rotten cesspool that makes me want to hurt. and i feel like doing that right now but i'm not going to. i'm going to tell you guys that i do love you, and i want to feel the love here. i want, when i'm dying, to remember this place fondly. because i know there's no way on earth i will wish i'd hurt more people here. nobody does. you choose your attitude. nobody forces it on you. we all make mistakes but let them be just that. don't commit yourself to evil. or you might not have much to look back fondly on when the chips are down and your time is nearly up.
