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How do you guys do it? How do you just keep going with the crushing realization that you will never be with her? It is hitting me hard today after watching yesterdays stream where she just looked into the camera and chatted for hours.
I will never just sit across from her at a restaurant while she tells me stories about her childhood or what pushes her to be so driven. Never go to a grocery store where she gets distracted and picks out a pokemon coloring book. Never have her just sitting next to me while she twirls her hair.
I wish I could just not watch like you guys, but the unknowing hurts more than the knowing right now.
I feel its going to get even worse for me when she finally ditches the 40gays and its like a real date through DC.
I hate this. I want to move on. I can't keep doing this. I wish I could stop.
