Quoted By:
>be me
>average Chinese student
>wake up for school
>leap off my exploding bed
>grab my silicone egg and plastic congee for breakfast
>run outside before dying of CO poisoning
>avoid being run over by lorry stained with blood of twelve other children
>see child walk over manhole cover before sewer explodes
>avoid being crushed by flying manhole cover and child corpse
>almost to school
>avoid being crushed by bodies raining from a permanently locked down apartment complex
>run away from no less than six exploding fireworks factories
>make it to school
>mandatory gun training, teacher forgets to use dummy ammunition
>classmate accidentally shoots himself after nearly capping me and teacher
>knife-wielding lunatic barges in, kills twelve students
>manage to shoot him in the head
>teacher survives, is detained in metal chair
>get to apply electrodes to his testicles to demonstrate loyalty to CCP
>fail to shock him properly, get suspended from school, sent to the factory for punishment
>drive to factory on electric scooter
>narrowly avoid explosion when a ping pong ball taps the electric scooter’s battery
>giant sinkhole devours entire city block and ping pong players
>make it to factory, start manufacturing Pickle Rick flip flops as punishment
>watch coworker get pulled into lathe
>another guy trips on coworker’s mangled corpse, falls into vat of molten polymer
>sent home early after entire factory is set on fire
>ride another electric scooter back home
>this one doesn’t explode, but run over a baby girl left in road by parents
>get home, entire staircase to my apartment has been removed
>try to take elevator to apartment
>narrowly avoid being cut in half by falling elevator while exiting
>step over corpses of parents so I don’t miss my mandatory evening COVID test and get shot to death by roving robot dog
>test positive and get welded into my apartment
>die of CO poisoning from mattress fumes
>at least I don’t have to go back to school tomorrow
