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was a nice meal. i really wish i could manifest one of those things with my thoughts at any time, because that chicken would make for the perfect late-night food. apparently you get to order food at any time of the day you want in the US. imagine thinking you suffer when living there, wow. id kill to be able to do that
what makes eating out possible for me is being able to watch a game dungeon episode or whatever with earphones on, i dont think id ever wanna do it otherwise, itd just feel boring. in general i cant eat without having something to watch or listen to, which i think is a pretty common thing with people nowadays. i dont see anything really wrong with it
probably never going to eat with anyone else again for the rest of my life, or at least not voluntarily. ive been brought along onto meals a few times by classmates and it always felt uncomfortable for me. im too self-conscious while eating around others, that ill look weird or something by not eating in a certain way.
and thats not just placebo, i think im aware that i eat clumsily. ive even been told so once on those occasions that i ate with people, that im embarrassing them somehow lol. i didnt really get how then and neither now. but ig that tells me enough.
it doesnt bother me at all when im eating by myself cause i could give less of a shit as long as i enjoy what im having, but when theres others around, yeah, i get pressure which leads to me being even clumsier. ironically the more self-conscious and overly careful of what im doing, the more im likely to mess it up
theres also that i cant really enjoy my meal properly if theres anybody around. it can be some incredibly good food, but i wont really be paying attention to that because of all the dumb things going through my mind. ill just perceive it in the back of my mind rather than taking all of it in, i dont know if thats a good way to word it but yeah.
anyway idk why i went on about that. charlim
