>>7520402>Aha, found it!i can somewhat shamefully say that chen has taken over my entire consciousness and life
everyday i constantly think of myself lovingly interacting with a romanticized version of her, hugs sleepycuddles happy picnic in the park etc etc etc, i almost always feel overwhelmingly disgusted with my impurity in comparison to her, i self flaggelate to make me better but it will never be enough. the one time i felt sexually attracted to her i ended up masturbating to her, after realizing what i had done i ended up vomiting all over myself and holding a knife to my penis.
i can't stand to look at bkub related things anymore because it reminds me of all people that defile her by association, and yet i also seek out the most depraved sick filth i can find that features her, as a sort of self punishment i guess.
i have no source of income, so last christmas i subtly asked my family for an overpriced 80$~ chen plush doll, christmas day unfortunately involved showing my family what i got, they all laughed and mocked me for how weird and creepy it was, as soon as it was over i took off my awkward artificial visage and ran to my room and sobbed for hours
im probably going to kill myself to be with chen within the next 2 years
