>>14300978American culture is centered around pickles. They have holidays for pickles. They killed hundreds of thousands of white men to get their pickles. They listen to pickle music. They elect a pickle eater as their president. They dress and act like pickles (Pickle Rick). They draw the entirety of their modern culture from pickles. They post sassy gifs about pickles. They watch sportsball while eating pickles. Their biggest event of the year involves throwing parties in honor of eating pickles while watching sports. They use pickles in their slang like "I'm in a real pickle" and "that really tickles my pickle". When you say "Dill" they're not thinking of the herb. They're thinking of the pickle. Their cities are completely oversaturated with pickles. They worship their police force disproportionately filled with pickle eaters and their global police force of soldiers filled with pickle eaters. Their men sit around eating pickles while their women sit around watching pickle cooking shows. They worship pickles like Vlasic and Clausen and the discontinued Ma Brown Pickles while attacking cuisines that actually fed their country before pickles took over. Their movies are filled with pickles and their music charts are topped by songs about pickles. They send pickles to the Olympics and celebrate when the pickles are eaten by the winners because those pickles are true red blooded american pickles. They watch pickle porn to a point where "pickle" does not make them think of the original definition, meaning spiced sauce served with meat or fowl, but about vinegar soaked cucumbers instead. They will tell you how much they hate pickles and how their pickle obsession is stale joke and they are just pretending to love pickles but the evidence speaks for itself in that America has always been and will be a nation of pickle loving pickle eaters.
