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, but no more of black people having sex with me because /pol/ makes me think that is wrong and if i continue i am race traitor, so i stop, but i keep looking at mess up things, i read a lot of messed up hentai about lolicon stuff and traps and rape and always insert as the submissive one, then i begin to feel more and more like i'm worthless for looking at such things and truly Loving Lolis more and more until i don't look at lolicon anymore, at that point i was still in highschool and had no friends but sort of my sister but at this point i'm looking for them rather than hating all "normalfags" quite so blindly as i start to become more and more disillusioned with /pol/ and /a/ even though i think a lot of what they say is right but their apporach is too hateful and i can't stand so much aggresion, even though i steeped myself in it so much at some points to numb my shame and regret, which i then regret even more. Eventaully i delete all heterosexual porn on my computer, except for some specific ones that i can not give up, but i delete thouse too, i try to mastrubate only to yuri but my mind hates me deep from psychosexual urges... and i look at porn of young men being raped and abused by gross fat men and wishing i was the young ones even though i try to be productive and love the world and be nice more and i still hate and i try to exercise and to learn fun skills like piano and enjoy fun anime like yuru yuri and hidamari sketch and i learned alot from the nice cute good and Epic characters like Akari-chan and Yuno-chan and I wish more and more that i had friends like they do, but still when people i sort of know at school seem to sort of extend a hand to me it makes me feel weird and bad and anxious and i run away from them and lose more and more of my mind until eventually i decide i delete all porn from my computer except for yuri, around this time i begin to fall into complete despair, with my escape gone
