>>8304826NEW TESTAMENT:
It's a bit like the Old Testament, but with 100% more Jesus, and a lot less of God's awesome wrath. Basically, Jesus goes around, impressing people with His ability to hack into reality (and put Goatse everywhere), sharing his wisdom and love for his children and flipping tables over. He also says the Old Testament should be ignored. Many claim he was the only perfect man. Emphasis on "only", and for good reason: nobody could stand him. They couldn't take anymore of his anus perpetually crapping out moralfaggotry, so they nailed him to a tree. Shortly afterwards, the guy who grassed him up decided he'd gone too far, so he became an hero. Not much else happens, except for Armageddon, which involves Wal-Mart and demons using our heads as toilets (No, seriously).
This half of The Bible is the one more universally accepted as the shiny, happy, family-friendly version of God. As such, it was perfect material for a great, fun-for-the-whole-family movie, which would be called The Passion of the Christ. A three-hour guro flick, every God-fearing mother dragged their kids to see it saying that the R-rating means that the material is a sensitive subject that is told in a manner that isn't sugar-coated, and is intended for persons mature enough to handle it, like their 6-year-old son. Despite this glimmer of intelligence, this logic is never, ever applied to any form of media unless it involves how great and superior Christianity is (The Godfather, despite also featuring Italian thugs, was a waste of celluloid).
