>>11692292I have a deep sense of hatred of my entire early life (until about early 20's). I do not think well of people i meet. Most people i find absolutely disgusting. From mentality, to childish naivety, to physical competence. I view a majority of human beings as babies still looking for the nipple. I cannot relate to most people, and I no longer try. I tried in highschool and college, but the only thing i knew was subservient behavior beaten into me, and that does not make for healthy friendships. I no longer have friends, I do not want them, and most relationships i try to keep as transactional as possible. I always assume the worst of everyone i meet. Almost every interaction i view from a defensive position and analyze whether or not this person is trying to manipulate me. I never try to laugh or smile with people, as when people get comfortable around you they try to take advantage of you through emotional manipulation or ego satisfaction. I view laughter and smiling as invitations to being taken advantage of, and niavete, and no longer do so.
I barely talk to anyone in my family anymore. I used to, in my mid to late 20's, call every weekend, trying to be a dutiful son. But i started drifting more and more away, and i realized as i stopped reaching out, they never did.
There is more, and worse that I will never share. There were a few bright spots in my childhood, though they are difficult to recall.
