>>5993098All the time. Literally every minute, while also continously, at all times, going over the 20 years of my youth that brought me to this point.
I've had to compartmentalise my mind so I can put up the pretense of functioning in a society.
It runs in the background while I work on ignoring it while interacting with people/work at the absolute minimum required.
I even do it in my sleep, waking up as I "pull the trigger", so to speak.
Getting up i the mornings is getting difficult now, I'm in my 30s, with no prospects outside of minimum wage, minimum complexity work and definitely no prospects of a meaningful relationship as I have never and will never be able to let someone in - which isn't fair on them.
I'll hang around for a while though, it could be a lot worse in fairness. I also have the feeling there's a world coming that I'll actually be right at home in, while everyone else an heroes because they don't have Facebook with 500 friends :/
