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Hello there, anonymous fucks of 4###^^!!^^^. I have recently gotten myself into quite the tumble recently. I have committed the move known only as a rumaskian john fnortyet. By moving the bishop into the square shown, I have fallen for the classic rook trap known as the triple tower takeover. This is not the only mistake I made in that move. As I had previously won a total of 5 moiverups and decided to save 3 for my next turn, I made another fuck up: By placing my horsey in the corner square I accidentally activated a trap I had previously set up 5 turns ago hoping I would have scared my opponent's king into the corner through a method of rook rolling to then activate the hidden pawns. But alas, I forgot and now my horsey shall suffer. My rival currently has the upper hand and I suspect that they will soon use a Mike Jack pawn to somehow betray and behead my queen, thereby putting my queendom in a crisis as they fumble to see how they can save the country with a different method of ruling. I will have to see if I have trained them well enough to promote a true-white pawn into queen and survive this possible play.
How do I get myself out of this one, boys?