>>15803377yup, i was 17. mom found him hanging on his exercise equipment in the garage. i was the first person she woke up. ill never forget waking up from a deep sleep with my mom crying telling me he was dead. seeing his lifeless body in the garage. i remember grabbing my sister and hugging her as tight as i could and i told her everything is going to be fine. i must have sounded very convincing, because she stayed calm and didnt even cry...
im such a failure to all my family. i was the oldest. im 33 now, single no kids. some days i just feel absolutely defeated. i see something degenerate and it will just kill all my motivation and i will feel sick to my stomach. i lose all hope for the future. we are all just little sacks of meat. we all get jealous, hungry, horny, angry. we all want to be sexy, attractive. rich. smart. and these instincts make me sick of us.
i dont want to BE anymore... i hope after we die it really is the end, i dont want anything. ever again... just thinking it might not be the end gets me fcuking dizzy. now i feel like throwing up...
today is my little brothers 17 bday and i dont even care enough to take him out to some mediterranean place..
these kids need me
sorry dad i failed you.
