>>16771201i would go to a bar and do that desu but i dont have any money and even traveling here costs money
sometime last year i applied for welfare but they denied me because i am not crippled and because i have never gotten the diagnoses that i need for the illnesses i have
>>16771215christians never sexually abused me
my family sent me to lots of psychiatrists as a kid when i stopped talking altogether for a few years after a traumatic event but i never could talk and open up to them and they eventually gave up on me
last year i saw a psychiatrist for the first time since i was a kid because i was feeling really suicidal and desperate for help i actually opened up to him about a lot of things that have happened to me that ive never talked about with anyone even online he just seemed really shocked and didnt know what to say i basically carried this conversation with the guy maybe it was too much at once but idk it helped me to dissociate and pretend i was just talking to myself but i didnt tell him that i practically begged him to help me get a diagnosis but he said "i may or may not be able to diagnose you and it would take a really long time" it gave me really bad greed vibes and the way he was shocked and asked in disbelief when i told him about how people used to believe me made me think he didnt believe me so i never went back i felt so defeated and like i am not even real or my problems and trauma arent even real but idk it was just a waste of time
from what little ive talked about on 4chan people dont even believe they think im a fictional character because of all the bad things that have happened to me i havent felt like a real person in a really long time
