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If welfare isn't an option...
Get one of those BS office jobs (which one isn't lol) where you don't have to work. (In a nice office with quiet rooms). Then tell them you're autistic and sensitive to noise and use the quiet rooms 100% of the time.
At lunch go for a long swim or to the park to do callisthenics and then have lunch back at the office while everyone else is back to work.
Hoard the free fruit and make lots of free coffee.
Complain there isn't enough diversity.
Become a manager... get all the diversity to do the work.
