my bad, I took 10 mg diazepam and the inhibition that would prevent me from writting anything longer than a 4 column paragraph is completely gone
see since I'm fresh out weed and the pain increases in [redacted], and since ibuprofen doesn't help with a simple hedache let alone with a "possibly infected wound that flares up in pain at every step of the way" ; I went for the next best thing and just narced out on benzos to get some nice sleep
I don't know how long I slept or even if I really slept or if I've been blacked out in memory whilst perfectly conciouss but I feel like I slept 8 hours and it felt kinda nice until I had to walk downstairs with a cane to tell mum somethibg about washing machine
I have to know at this point, I never even so much as broke a finger let alone a leg so I got no clue how people with broken legs feel when they have to walk, do they go through the same excruciating pain (possibly even worse), but they atleast have crutches unlike my short cane that forces me into a hunchback position until either or my legs starts cramping and I have to suspend my weight on my left heel (which isn't as pain free as everybody thinks)
>>11372964I always expect death, I don't care if it's tomorrow or in a few weeks or (hopefully not) in a couple years as no matter how you look at it- with every passing day- I am litteraly a day closer to death
the fact I don't know how long I have left is a catalyst to my addiction to get as fucked up as possible (with minor moderation) just to not think of the starring abyss that keeps yelling at me to stuck a knife in my neck and end it all on the spot
