>>13769211>Do you value being close to her as a friendI don't think we're even that. More like acquaintances, or at least that's how I feel where I stand in relation to her. As for "could have been," I've avoided women since middle school. There have been many "could have beens," especially in hindsight. I feel like I'm standing at a crossroads now. All I can see is failure, but a thousand fortunes might align to make it a success, and that hope is killing me; truly it is the blight of mankind. If I take the chance, there is a high probability my entire life changes. The first and most likely outcome is the end of my streaming career and any hopes I have for the future. The second outcome is I take the chance, it fails, and somehow it is kept in private and little changes. The third is a miracle occurs and something comes from it, but it winds up failing for obvious reasons that I should have accepted at the outset. I'd outline a fourth where it doesn't fail, but that sounds impossible: far over 80 miles, both poor, the question of kids, and so on. If I don't take the chance, nothing changes and I suffer through it as I've done many times before for however long these feelings last, which will be a very long time. Years.
>And is it healthy to chase after something always out of your reach?Nothing in my life is healthy.
