>>17961038i don't know, anon. on one hand, i crave social relationships, on the other hand, i hate superficiality, and therefore never find many people who are willing to meet me on my level. i also value my alone time because i think there's a certain type of meditation of thought and beauty to be found when you're all alone, enjoying a moment to yourself. i do sometimes feel like because of external circumstance, like my mother forcing me to become an extension of herself, that i especially get sick because we don't think the same way in regards to how we treat others. as though i'm just a contest dog to be groomed and dressed up, so i find that doing things exclusively for myself, and nobody else, helps me reclaim my power and gives me more confidence to listen to my voice. it may sound selfish, but really, it helps define more of me, and i know how i'm not really a bad person inside because my heart is tied to humanity, so it's like i become a better overall person.
my only friend told me everyone has their place in life, the same way the trees, grass, and birds just fit in, and sit in harmony with nature, and we do too because we're just one big collective organism living on this planet, all connected in some way or another. it reminds me of how in christianity, they say you are never alone because god is with you, and maybe there's peace and comfort in knowing you're not all alone, even when you think you are.
