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I imagine myself in Liverpool, working in a pie and burger van. Our mission to sell as many pies as we can to the n*Rthern pigmen. We serve up Pukka Pies by the dozen, but they keep coming. I throw pie after pie into the gaping, toothless mouths of the n*Rtherners, but I soon run out and start cooking up burgers. I feed as many as I can, but since the n*Rtherners are so disgustingly obese they keep screaming for more. Then, in a gluttonous, impatient rage, one of them punches me in the back of the head; they start clambering over the counter into the van. I fight back but there are too many, the sheer weight of their malformed, bloated bodies overwhelming me.
I am punched again. Berry faced, slap headed cunts scream into my face "FOOKIN' FEED ME", but they know there is no food left... they get angrier and angrier till they erupt into a burst of animal-like fury, pushing and stomping my head into the floor before inexplicably turning on each other. As the light fades out of my eyes, I see them fighting over the few remaining foodstuffs in the van; the condiments of salt and vinegar are all that's left, but this doesn't bother the pigmen, who promptly rip the lids off and pour the raw contents down their throats.
I lie down and look towards the overcast sky, a dash of sunlight breaks through and I see Henry Cavill looking down and smiling at me. I smile back. Then I wake up in sunny Hampshire, my homeland. My Southern brethren greet me as an old friend and hand me a pint of Spitfire ale..the warm breeze blows trees that filter dappled sunlight onto lush parkland. I'm finally home...I finally made it into heaven.
