Quoted By:
>be me
>American
>decide to take my lady out for a fancy dinner
>only the best for my special woman: Olive Garden
>we go out to the car
>accidentally parked a foot further away than I usually do, so we’re winded by the time we make it there
>we don’t hardly ever walk since we can just drive everywhere
>open the door to my luxurious 2002 Mercedes-Benz.
>been paying it off ever since I bought it new, but it’s worth it to show off how rich I wish I were back in 2002.
>take 30 minutes to leave our 1000 square mile subdivision
>drive down a long stretch of road lined with shopping centers, car washes, hotels, and gun stores. Finally arrive about 45 minutes later at The Olive Garden.
>It’s on the opposite side of the highway, so have to wait another 15 minutes to turn in.
>Spend 5 minutes looking for a place to park. It’s Friday night at Olive Garden, so of course it’s going to be crowded
>this particular Olive Garden is highly envied as it shares a parking lot with only one Sex Shop
>finally park after a family of three leave
>they let the boy bring a toy bat with him and he kept hitting our car with it while his mother chased him around it.
>make it inside and have the best Italian food money can buy in our town
>there’s supposedly an “authentic” Italian restaurant a couple cities over, but it just sounds pretentious and European.
>Olive Garden is better than anything Europe could do
>leave the restaurant after paying and providing this month’s mortgage payment for the tip
>notice some paint chipped from where the kid hit it with his bat. >Realize that my insurance will be going up by $1000
>it’s okay, at least I can drive where I want
>take 10 minutes to leave the parking lot
>start to pull out onto the highway
>get T-boned by a guy in a Dodge Challenger who was being chased by the police for drug charges
>die to the sound of angry drivers waiting to get by the flaming heap that was my car
