>>20991495i mean its not like its over over
im still very afraid that it will happen every night i go to bed, sometimes i unironically pray to a god im not even sure i believe in to keep me safe and protect me
thats usually were the intrusive thoughts kick in with a non stop loop of things along the lines of "satan, demons, otherwordly sadistic forces beyond my comprehension, i welcome you, i open my body mind and soul as a conduit for you to pass through"
and obviously the more i try to force those thoughts out of my mind the more intense they become
it really isnt fun
i fail to comprehend why my brain has to work against me like this all the time
it is actually torture on such an abstract and yet fundamental level its fucking silly
i now fear a potentially hypothetical god condemning me to eternal damnation for thoughts i hate and dont want entering my head
