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As I approached the Kinoplex it hit me, like the hot flush that overwhelms from head to toe when your mother opens your bedroom door to introduce you to her new 'friend', I was anxious. But the allure and excitement of the latest kino was enough for me to take a deep breath, tuck my hands in my pockets and tilt my head forward as I paced on ahead.
I made it to the first checkpoint, the penis inspection booth. This threw me off guard, since my last visit the inspection was checkpoint three. The security guard told me not to remain calm, staring me deep in the eye as he unbuckled my belt, my hands holding the guard rail either side. He adjusted his monocle, and hunched down to begin inspection. I'm not particularly tall so I'd already been categorised into the reserved Manley seats.
"Congratulations anon" the security guard grunted at me
"E-excuse y-you?" I stuttered
"You've maintained excellent penis hygiene. Immaculate condition if I do say so myself"
"Thanks, you too" this gave me a surprising boost in confidence and overwhelming relief that I remembered to shower this week.
"We'll be upgrading you to the VIP section, Manlet area of course sir" he continued to mutter.
"Here is your VIP pass, your coupon for a small bucket of crab legs, and a discount card to upgrade your falcon. You'll be served by Robert today, I believe you and your wife have met him?"
I went bright red in the face, and the anxiety hit me harder, I clutched on to my backpack. The security guard could see I was panicked, his hand hovering over the dedicated shooter alarm.
"Sir? Are you okay?"
I had left my Falcon at home.
