>>16023447then you get to ride out this life with that state of Being, and then you also have an incomprehensible bounty after this world when this one passes. there's so much more then this life - this life is nothing compare to what is prepared for us.
i'd just say God has got you if you trust Him and are sincere, no matter how much it doesn't look like it. i think that having the realization you seem to have will make you move forward in the world in a way that ripples through effects which we can hardly even begin to comprehend. you have a rare testimony that can flip people on the edge back into reconciliation.
it seems there's an awful shortage of the testimony you now have, which is your situation but God is still there for you - most people couldn't face it or would just say "fuck it then" and lose something more valuable then their life. you have something of immense value which we are on very short supply of and has the seed/potentially to turn people who hear back to God who would have otherwise became bitter/resentful/nihilistic/apathetic
