>>10216951>wouldn't revealjeesh, I wish somebody told me that earlier
I ended up at the hs psychologist because I was prepping everyone to the fact I'll kill myself at beginning of september (stipend issues, I didn't know for certain wether or not my folk would have to pay the fee if I die before I finished the year... tirns out fee is only for those who fail the year due to non-emergent causes (no fee if I get bumped by the car, comatised, and couldn't finish the year)) since I held to the fact that it wouldn't be such a shock once I actually killed myself- everybody already knew or had it in the back of their mind that J'd just be gone past the beginning of september and it wouldn't cause trauma on anyone
yeah that whole experience taught me to say fuck you to others when it comes to myself- there I was; trying to make the whole experience as least painful from both financial aswell as psychological aspect, going so far as saving money for cremation and acting all nice to people in my last days- and yet they still snitched on me and as the one last fuck you in my face I had to promise my psychologist I wouldn't go through with it (atleast until I graduated) otherwise they'd lose their job
ever since I graduated I've been on edge fully ready to cut my throat if I have to... it's just that the situation cooled down due to drug use
and yeah now I only joke about killing myself, hiding the fact I'm more than ready to sudoku if push comes to shove
cont...
