>>4124257I can't conceal, I lash out and do weird things when confronted with situations I typically avoid. It's mainly the touching thing that they notice, I pull away subconsciously, I don't even notice I do it. Recently my friend went to put his hand on my shoulder and immediately moved away before he could but wasn't even aware I had done it. I also can get extremely angry like I can go from 0 to 100 very fast. I hate it when people see me get that way and it's seriously fucked me up, I was put in therapy over just one incident that I try to not think about. I've gotten a lot better at controlling my anger and knowing when to leave a situation and cool off.
Recently during an exam this skinny gross-looking kid wouldn't stop sniffling (seriously it was every 10 seconds) and I felt white hot anger towards him for some reason. I wanted to get out of my seat, throw his test, and tell him to get the fuck out of the room before I break his neck. Instead of giving into that I just got up and went to the other side of the room and took a few minutes to clear my head. I also hate weakness and feel no sympathy towards people or animals who are too meek to exist which is weird because I'm pretty thin myself so I'm not exactly in a position to be calling things weak. I wanted to murder 3 of my family's dogs because they were small and just wouldn't shut up.
One time it came out when our stupid shitzu-poodle mix started trying to bit a puppy we had at the house. My Dad was in the room but I was overcome with this fucking blind hatred for it and I grabbed it by the back of his neck and jolted him up into the air and was about to slam him onto the tile floor when my Dad screamed at me "STOP YOU'RE GONNA KILL HIM."
Anyway, I think I have high functioning autism or something. The weird thing is that I've never had a problem making friends, in every way I don't fit the mold of it but I def have something wrong.
sorry for the weird rant I need to get this out though
