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>be British teen
>mum incapacitated from an acid attack last week tells you to go out and buy some cake ingredients and other groceries for her
>masterfully dodge acid attacks and trucks of peace, but get hit by nail bomb shrapnel two feet away from the grocery store
>partandparcel.png
>check the list
>eggs, flour, salmon, potatoes, kinder surprise eggs
>constable Abdul walks in, notices my bag.
>”Oi, a mom’nt of your toime.”
>oh shit.jpg
>he rifles through your grocery bag, and is noticeably shocked.
>”wot in the name of sharia is this?”
>”I dunno sir”
>”wot munf is it”
>”October, sir”
>”you do bloody well realize that the sale of eggs and flower and other messy goods are made illegal to minors during this time, roit? Moit get in trubbwl.”
>next he picks out the salmon
>”Hmmm... I’d say this is some very odd salmon. It moit’ave been handled under suspicious circumstances. The suspicious salmon act of 1968 forbids this.”
>he then gets to the potatoes
>as he picks up the sack he puts it to his ear and, after listening to it for a while hands it back to you.
>”just as I thought. Those are polish potatoes. The polish potato act of 2004 dosen’t bloody allow it m8.”
>sure enough, as you bring the sack up to your ear, you hear a soft ‘kurwaaaaaa’ eminate from them”
>”right then, since you’re still a moinah, I’ll let this one slide, but be more careful in the future. Remembuh, bin that knoif, save a loif.”
>go home, gorceryless, ready to face the wrath of mum
>get there, but find more constables at your house
>turns out a Muslim entered your home and attempted to brutally rape your mum, but he was thankfully clumsy enough to set off the burglar alarm.
>or so you though
>turns out, your silly mum had forgotten to designate an alarm key holder, and in doing so violated the Code of practice on noise from audible intruder alarms of 1982, and was promptly incarcerated.
