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Ever since I was 15 years old, maybe even younger, I never feared death. Just the way I die is what I fear, but the actual death part doesn't bother me.
For 18 years now, I couldn't care less if I died right now. I've been rear-ended by 4 drunk drivers in the past. I've had loaded firearms pointed at my head by retards. I've almost been killed 4 times this year by truck drivers blowing red lights.
I work, for nothing.
I go to the gym, for nothing.
I take care of my shithole apartment, for nothing.
I get nothing in return.
I used to feel a lot of anger, depression and anxiety. I feel nothing now. I still have a few hobbies that give me some joy in the moment, but that's it.
If I fell asleep tonight and never woke up, I would finally be at peace.
Call it edgy, retarded, gay, or whatever else. That's how I've felt for the last 15 - 20 years.
