>>16916452imagine you were drowning in the sea, and this guy pulls you out and saves your life. he takes you back to shore and gives you a place to sleep and food and some clothes and helps you recover. you are grateful, and you say to yourself, "i'm going to help this guy, i'm going to do what he wants because i can see he has his shit together, isn't a liar, he could have hurt me when i was vulnerable, but instead he saved my life."
you go to work for the guy, and you just try to do whatever will help. you ask questions, but you are kind of a dumbass, like i am, and you do the work wrong, and make mistakes and cause messes. but the more you work at this guy's place, the more you feel like you made the right choice, and this is what you should be doing. you like trying to help out. you like that even though you are still a dumbass, you at least do less stupid shit every day.
these gotcha word-games and mind-games about what pisses god off, or if we go to hell for this or that, or how come it says this but then it says that: these are distractions from the work. the more you are okay being a servant and trying to serve something outside yourself, the less you will care about these games.
i love you. good luck. hang tough. keep laughing, nothing makes the demons fuck off faster than laughter.