>>19192690I'm a 29 year old kissless hugless handholdless dateless virgin.
I refused to reciprocate on multiple flirtatious interactions because I'm not comfortable with myself. Decent face (but fat), tall (6'1 or so) and I'm white with blond hair + pretty decent frame(shoulders wise) with a deep voice. I'm 280 lbs, I went down to 215 or so at one point in the past and still fumbled with women because I never felt good enough even if they flirted with me and said how great I was looking. I'm considered essentially “the fat guy who made it" at my gym and get compliments + questions daily about my journey.
I used to be close to 500 lbs and wasted my entire 20s being a NEET basement dweller that was addicted to food + video games + anime. My self esteem is nearly completely shattered and I don't drive or have a job. I live with my grandmother and she drives me to the gym every weekday and picks me up every night. I'm on disability.
I feel like roping the thinner I get because I get more attention from females yet my brain doesn't allow me to reciprocate until I'm not fat. Even if I lost the weight (which I did before and currently am doing again), I find something else wrong with me that doesn't "allow" me to flirt with women. My entire life consists of self improvement at this point with no clear goal or end.
My brain won't allow me to seek out women for the prospects of sex or even speak to them in any fashion other than simply "what's up" and "see ya" until I'm essentially top 10% of male bodies. There's no in-between.
I actively avoid making eye contact with women while my head is still held high and snubbing them on purpose if they try to make eye contact because I can't get myself to interact with them until I'm completely in shape. If I do interact with them, it's purely platonic and I can't get myself to act flirtatious in any way whatsoever.
It's over because it can't even begin.
