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tummy upset. ate too much. sinuses dried out. but otherwise glad i smoked. the way i'm feeling though makes me want to stay away still, it's really so unhealthy to smoke weed regularly and pig out.
thought a lot about religion and politics, old world and the new, christianity and rome and the west. the left and the right and how that all intertwines, what we're going through now in politics and culture, the rift between penelope and i. realizing everything really is not so simple. people feel like something ancient is threatened, and the political left has had a hand in doing that, and all the fascism going on right now is an attempt to protect that. and how i'll always be an outsider to that, not being christian, being part jewish. it's scary though, because this stuff already went off the rails 85 years ago, at least the way i see it. people want to bring that back today though, that's where penelope's heart is at least. we will get through it though, society i mean. dunno about me and her, but i still hope. saw myself in that different light again too, got that shame and embarrassment about what i'm doing, fought it off a bit with what i've accomplished, the fitness and cutting out smoking weed, for the most part, and the financial returns i've made, how good it would be for me and her to get together, how it's more romeo and juliet than cinderella, montague and capulet sort of thing. anyways starting my weekend. already miss gambling, watching the lines move, that's been a real comfort to me this year. having some tea, might play some video games.
