Quoted By:
Your honour, may I speak bluntly?
I know how this looks. My client here, he may seem a bit... well, let's just say "retarded." I mean look at that smile. Just kidding.
Now, the prosecutor would have you believe that this young man, who suffers from a nitrous oxide addiction, was capable of raping several girls and subjecting them to non-disclosure agreements for his moderately successful online reality show. I mean, c'mon, look at this guy, he can barely speak without slurring.
Oh, and about the girl who got little bruises on her wrists? Yeah, last I checked we live in America, where we have the right to have consensual sex however kinky we want, including a little liberal use of the old handcuffs. The /bant/ posters who invaded my poor client's chatrooms did not have a single warrant, charge, or even probable cause. How was my client supposed to know she was a lying whore?
Your honour, I'm calling for a mistrial. The prosecutor cannot lay a SINGLE charge against my client, who is so obviously innocent. I mean, good luck even finding a jury that's going to not only believe that a nitrous oxide addict on the verge of going to rehab is capable of doing something like this, but also is going to motion to convict such a man.
That's all from me, your Honour.
