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As someone who is open for the idea of gay sex, let me give you an advice. I think it's fine to do kinky homo stuff but only if you have pure fun from it or you wish to make someone you love feel good. Doing it as a desperate way to get attention is bad for your psyche, especially that you already seem emotionally distressed. What you need is a human contact irl. I bet that you at least have some family you can talk to about your worries. The sooner you start interacting with real people the better. A lot of guys posted their dicks and butts on the internet so don't stress over what've you done. If you won't keep pushing it, it will eventually be forgotten.
