>>10705545 my initial diagnosis was aspergers but its been merge with autism as a whole, my true thoughts on the matter; it is difficult, simply being near people fills me with annoyance/anxiety in my raw unfiltered state, that state where I dont put effort into being "normal" and you can see me for the "weirdo" I really am. I spent the first the last 7 years hating myself because no matter how hard I tried I could never fit in, there was something inheriently different about me that somehow people just felt and kept away. As someone else has put it it feels like being in a school of fish, where no matter where you go they all simply move away from you as whole, I did not want to think that I was like "that", that something was " wrong" with me so as a result I kept trying to be normal and it just doesnt work for me and I just assumed I was a failure, I know now that Im different and it was very hard to accept that but it once I did I was able to learn more about myself and how to live with it. It also brings me solace that I found that many of the feelings I felt and still feel are not exclusive to me, but felt by others like me. Every day is a struggle in a way honestly, to go to work and try my best to filter myself, to try and control my tendencies around people, but I wont deny that I have grown some sort of attachment to it now, because on top of my autism I also had several other issues I had to deal with, general poverty, abuse and losing close relatives/friends; to struggle is all I know
