>>1687351fascinating.
i've probably done it backwards from most people. most people probably go shrooms to lsd to mescaline.
i'd never had a psychedelic trip until i was 30. i found a local source of mescaline and broke the cactus down myself.
i tripped maybe half a dozen times over the course of half a year. haven't had any further experiences in a couple of years.
without going into too many details, the long and short:
cliche but true: for me, psychedelics helped me rediscover myself. for the first time in ages i began to respect myself and get over my masochism and, as you said, self-hatred.
i rediscovered my masculinity and saw myself as a worthwhile man.
it may be time to revisit this. wondering if shrooms would be a worthwhile portal.