>>11894016Well, of course I already am the best, but I need to make them see and show me that it's the case. That's the point of me wanting them to think I'm the best. And yes, I do think I'm equal and better deep down, but it does need to be proven, otherwise it leads to distress and jealousy. Any objective proof of someone being better is an assault on my ego. I don't actually look up to people, I want to devalue them and prove them worse or have them value me more.
>Knowing you devalue them doesn't sound really npd.I can be aware of my mental issues and still have them. Besides, I just use self-awareness to my advantage, so I can't be called out on things as easily.
>Maybe this stems from giving your best (as a child or now with a damaged mental state) but no one ever acknowledged that.I didn't give my best, I just assumed I was because I was coasting most of the time. People did assume I was, but I didn't get that much direct appreciation because I isolated myself a lot.
