I feel so distant from others around me. I feel so Alone. I have trouble making friends.I used to have a friend but I have been alone for quite a while now. I remember when I was a kid I would always be unhappy because I was a kid that had the most trouble making friends. When I was a kid I used to love helping others to the point I would never refuse anyone if they would ask for something that is within my reach but the other kids only took advantage of it and were never really my friend just pretended to be. I still remember I would literally cry If some kid said to me he doesn’t want to be my friend
anymore.It made me feel I wasn’t normal which is true I guess because my mother also suffers from mental Illness and once it got so severe she couldn’t remember who I was but all is well now. My sister on the other hand is not so fortunate and struggles with most basic things. I have never been in a relationship with a women and have never really even tried because I am afraid that if I ever choose to have kids they will end up being like me. When I finally made a friend after so many years I felt happy. The good thing is the one friend that I did manage to make was my genuine friend and I could talk to him for hours without being bored but now that I have moved far away I don’t think I will ever meet him again. I am complete stranger here. I feel like I haven’t matured at all mentally Because I still feel the same now as I used to when I was a little kid. I guess part of it comes from self doubt and low self esteem because I feel like I am abnormal mentally. I do well when it comes to my studies and go to university. It is the thing that keeps me going forward that someday I might do something of worth with my life.
