>be me>a year or two ago>home alone>hungry as dick>text my mom, tells me to order a pizza >decide to order a Tucson 6-cheese pizza from papajohns.com>fast forward an hour or so>hear knocking >pizza_time.webm>anxiety kicks in>do nothing but sweat and shake for 30 seconds>hears knocking again but louder>stand up instantly and look through the blinds, even though I know it’s the delivery guy>put on my shoes for some reason >walk up to the door and take a deep breath>open the door to a skinny but probably shredded light skinned black guy with an afro and a beard around my height (5’10”) >immediately think I’m going to get robbed>hands me the pizza box>says the normal pizza man stuff like sign the receipt, thanks for choosing Papa John’s Pizza, etc. but with ghetto slang>ends each sentence with bruh or man>oddly comforting>all anxiety melts away, except for the thought of being robbed because around blacks, never relax>mumble my way through the rest of the exchange, but with a smile>hand him a heavily crinkled $10 dollar bill as a tip“enjoy the meal, bruh”
>he starts walking to his car>”y-you too”>he hesitates and resumes walking a second or two later>slam door and run back to my room>sit down and eat the pizza in silence>good piece of tucson six-cheese>parents come home 5 hours later >mom goes to sleep, dad asks if the pizza delivery went well>”yeah”>doesn’t believe me as he is aware of how much of an awkward little shit I am>he boots up the security camera monitor >hears me say you too>proceeds to loudly erupt in laughter >i sink in my chair in embarrassment >mom wakes up and tells him to shut the fuck up>shows her the camera footage>she laughs even louder than him, practically screaming>sink even further into chairIs there any way I can salvage this and make it seem like the delivery man was in the wrong? My parents to this day show people the footage and I mainly try to laugh with them.
