>>11487820ooh, nice pic!
So let's see, the stream of consciousness works quite well, I think. I can't really gauge this properly since I don't have the full text, but you aren't digressing too much so far. The language does a good job at making the reader want to keep going, even if he doesn't find certain bits of those digressions all that interesting. I found that part about his life being bitter as onions a bit too direct so you might want to be more careful with that.
I'm not the biggest fan of magic so you may disregard all of this if you want to, the idea itself sounds promising and thus everything would depend on how well you manage to execute it. You have to be careful because you are very close to the entire "it was all a dream" cliche. I'd say that you can make pretty much any idea work in fiction, but like I said, it all depends on the execution.
I like that you are trying to be experimental with it and I am curious to see how you will go about those shifts from first to second and third persons. Only be careful because if you grow too ambitious with this it might just fall apart. It's good to have intricacies but I wouldn't employ too many of them if I don't have the writing (and reading) experience to back me up. What did you mean by "extrussive" though?
I was going to suggest that you make a plan, just don't be too rigid about it. Plans should be vague and flexible guidelines, not exact rules which must be adhered to at all cost.
All in all, I do like it in case you couldn't tell. Quite promising so far. I wonder what Aussy thinks, if he has read it.
Didn't you say that there never was any book, only a drug-fueled delusion though?
>>11487828I meant to say that me not quoting that post properly is embarrassing.
