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Okay. I'm borderline. Borderline fucking Personality Disorder. I hate it, and it's come within a single fucking hair of completely ruining my life. Drug overdoses, institutionalization, the works. I hated myself too for a very long time and I'm only just starting to get used to the idea that I can maybe, maybe be a good person if I really really try hard enough.
When you tell somebody you're depressed, they say shit like "well, just cheer up!" or bullshit like that. When you tell people you're ADD, they disbelieve you. When you tell people you're bipolar, they say you're just moody. But BPD? When my mom found out about my diagnosis (she saw a book I was reading on the subject in my apartment), she burst into tears and ran out of the room. People hate you if you're borderline. They hold it against you, personally. They say you're manipulative, evil, that you exist to drag people down, they call you a psycho if you're a guy and a psycho bitch if you're a girl. They look down on you, they persecute you, they make casual comments on major websites that make you burst into tears. I'm not pretending that other sufferers don't have it bad, and I am in no way trying to belittle your problems, it's just that this is what I see in my own personal life.
Some goddam brilliant armchair psychologist said in a thread about a bad breakup, "If it matters, she probably has Borderline Personality Disorder and is just being manipulative." Well fuck you too. You might as well be saying "she was probably black and that's why she robbed the convenience store" or "she was a woman and that's why she got all hysterical" or "she was probably gay and that's why she's a pedophile." No. None of those things are okay, none of those things are true, so why is it okay to treat somebody who is suffering from an illness that way? I'm not evil I'm sick.
Ah fuck I'm crying in public again. Just fuck it. Fuck this planet, fuck these people, fuck this life.
