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I desire to desire something more than just that platonical stuff I've done so far. I've reached university, but I kinda bored out of going anywhere. I imagined as I reach a higher education or "study what I like" I would find a deeper meaning in my life. I didn't. It surely is interesting but it doesn't wake my desire to spend my live with it. I'm a datable guy. But after having a long lasting relationship and experiencing sex and love and so forth, I simply gave up on that too cause I don't desire deeper companionship.
Now don't get me wrong, I do enjoy all the little things in live, but just superficially. Nothing makes me fascinated for a longer period of time. And it has come to a point where I won't use my "perfect start" into life, because getting money or fame won't make me feel fulfilled. Nothing that I ever discovered has made me desire it. Heck not even where I live. I grow tired of any city after 3 years. Also note that I moved from Spain to France to Germany. In 10 years.
I envy those who have found their place in life. I feel like I cannot, since I do not desire anything but to feel desire itself.
