>>10904749In my early 20’s, I got caught up in cuck porn. This escalated until I found myself sucking dick because I was addicted to being submissive and felt like I could only express that part of myself with a man.
Now, in my early 30’s, I’ve abstained from sex for about a year. I still have submissive urges, but lately it’s like a switch flipped. I read NTR manga to get off... from the perspective of the dormant guy. The thought of mentally breaking a woman with sex has consumed my lustful thoughts.
But then I come down and remember that I wanted neither extreme. I wonder about family I may never have now. I worry that my mind is too broken for a relationship. I’ll either feel highly insecure or become an asshole. Moderation doesn’t seem to be in my blood unless it’s in the form of doing nothing at all.
I often wonder if there was a point in my life that would change this lonely path I’ve found myself on. I have success in all but two major areas of life. One being love and the other physical fitness. Both appear to require a level of willpower I might not have anymore.
