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Posting anywhere on this site instantly makes me feel like garbage because something with my brain wiring is fucked up, but I don't like shitting up any altchan worth posting in with my blogposts. This place is alright to do it in because it's already terrible so I'm not bothering anybody.
Can't go to IRC to talk to anyone either. Few ones that I'm in I can't do anything but lurk because I've no idea what to say in chatrooms that people already know each other in, and the servers with people that I do know are all gone. Made me realize I'm just as shit at approaching people online as in real life.
Also, I really have no clue what to do in imageboards other than blogpost nowadays. I don't find anything people say around these places funny so I can't fit in with the memeing, actual discussion is too far and in-between and rarely about something that interests me, and I don't know what else there is other than that. I did go around every board I could think of and make OC threads for a little bit, and I guess it was fun, but there's too little participation to be doing it constantly. Overall I don't think I go to imageboards now for any reason other than to feed on some attention that I'm desperate for. Though maybe that's the same for most.
Been getting raped by intrusive thoughts lately, also. I don't have much to distract myself with these days, which leaves my mind blank and that's when I get them the most. And I have to respond to the thoughts whenever I get them, so it puts me in a loop for stupidly long sometimes. My OCD isn't really related but tends to get triggered by it and gets added into the mix, so I'm going back and forth to myself in my mind while also trying to satisfy something else. Annoying, but I'm used to it by now and it does go away for a bit if I find something to be distracted by.
That's the problem, though. Just not enough interesting stuff out there. If I do find anything, I finish it in a single night and go back to the usual. Oh well.
