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Quoted By: >>10012399 >>10012857
French military history:
The Gallic War
Lost. In a war whose outcome anticipates the next 2000 years of French military history.
Hundred Years' War
Mostly lost. Saved in the end by a schizophrenic woman,
who also accidentally established the first rule of French martial art: "French armies can only win if they are not led by a Frenchman".
Italian Wars
Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars against the Italians.
Thirty Years' War
France is technically not a participant at all, but still manages to get invaded.
Claims a draw on the basis that eventually all the other participants in the war have started to ignore it.
American Revolution
This war is becoming quite familiar to the Americans. The French claim victory, even though the colonists fought almost alone.
This later becomes known as the "de-Gaulle-Syndrom" and leads to the second rule of the French art of warfare: "The French can only win if the Americans take over most of the fighting".
French Revolution
Won, mainly because the opponents were also French.
Napoleonic Wars
Lost. Temporary victories (please remember the first rule!) due to the leadership of a Corsican, who is ultimately no match for a British.
World War I
Draw and on the way to defeat France is saved by the USA.
World War II
Lost. Conquered Frenchmen had to be freed by the Americans and Britons just as they learned the Horst Wessel song.
Indochina War
Lost. French forces lead disease. You retire to bed with the Dien Bien flu.
Algeria war
Lost. Represents the first defeat of a Western army against a non-Turkish Muslim opponent since the Crusades and results in the First Rule of Muslim warfare:
"At least we can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rule of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Eskimos.
The Gallic War
Lost. In a war whose outcome anticipates the next 2000 years of French military history.
Hundred Years' War
Mostly lost. Saved in the end by a schizophrenic woman,
who also accidentally established the first rule of French martial art: "French armies can only win if they are not led by a Frenchman".
Italian Wars
Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars against the Italians.
Thirty Years' War
France is technically not a participant at all, but still manages to get invaded.
Claims a draw on the basis that eventually all the other participants in the war have started to ignore it.
American Revolution
This war is becoming quite familiar to the Americans. The French claim victory, even though the colonists fought almost alone.
This later becomes known as the "de-Gaulle-Syndrom" and leads to the second rule of the French art of warfare: "The French can only win if the Americans take over most of the fighting".
French Revolution
Won, mainly because the opponents were also French.
Napoleonic Wars
Lost. Temporary victories (please remember the first rule!) due to the leadership of a Corsican, who is ultimately no match for a British.
World War I
Draw and on the way to defeat France is saved by the USA.
World War II
Lost. Conquered Frenchmen had to be freed by the Americans and Britons just as they learned the Horst Wessel song.
Indochina War
Lost. French forces lead disease. You retire to bed with the Dien Bien flu.
Algeria war
Lost. Represents the first defeat of a Western army against a non-Turkish Muslim opponent since the Crusades and results in the First Rule of Muslim warfare:
"At least we can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rule of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Eskimos.
