Kent is renowned as the garden of England
In Cornwall, there's a lot to be seen
Sussex has wonderful coastal resorts
And Devon has beautiful greens
Lancashire has its famous sausages
Yorkshire, the best beer on tap
But the county of Yonkers is different
Yonkers is just crap

Yonkers, Yonkers - Yonkers is crap
It's an absolute abomination
Yonkers - may it fall off the map
It's a boil on the bum of the nation

We all cover our houses in stone cladding
Satellite dishes are always in sight
Yonkers is where Steve Davis comes from
Well it's true then, it's gotta be shite

Most of our mates here are crooked
People get shot in the street
But apart from that we're the nicest
Bunch you'd wish to meet

Yonkers, Yonkers - what is it for?
We can't think of anywhere viler
Yonkers where there's mobiles galore
And in every dream home, a rottweiler

Where you find the likes of Norman Tebbit go
Where page 3 girls buy their mum a bungalow
Where we get "Rocky V" out on video
Oh yes, that's Yonkers, man

If you think it's really posh to drink Malibu
If you need a calculator to count to two
If you think the stories in the Sunday Sport are true
Then you're an Yonkers man
Yes, you're an Yonkers man

Yonkers - may it go up in smoke
It's about as much fun as a tumour
Yonkers people can't take a joke
They've got absolutely no sense of humour