Apparently I command the neural net. Red staff knows what's up. I wrote this kickass copypasta, let me know what you think:

I'm faster than the fucking internet. I carry swiss KGB and soft steel in my back pocket. It would be a good check if I wore pure KGB on my left hand.
I crush Buicks but prefer SUVs. I'll ask your sister out if you're not careful. My IQ is >1100. I'm a pretty good showman but I know how to party in a fucking apartment after a long night with the KGB.

You don't fuck with the KGB, alright? When you get an apartment after what happened in the bunker, you get the hookups to a nice place. I'm talking:
Function lift, some screens that actually fucking work, some cans of American fucking Budweiser in the fridge, and a radio that plays its own music.
Space program is no joke. 1960 Moscow up in here.

I can't say I've carried out numerous Top Secret raids on Al Qaeda, but let's just say I know people.

- MONTGOMERY -
- MAGE CHECK-
- HOLMES -
- JOINT CHIEFS-=
- HONORARY ORDER OF VICTORY -

I'm bushido buddies with the 125th Emperor of Japan. Akihito-san, as I get to call him.
Ever been to Brazil? I can break you in half like the intro to Quantum of Solace.

I can make fire with steel wool and a battery. No joke.

I maxed out Positive Attitude at Eharmony.